September 4 2015
4 September 2015,
 0

Dear Mama and Papa!

I want to write to you what I truly want from you. I want your Senses!!

I want your eyes! I want you to see what I see. If I am playing with a cardboard box I see the joy of playing with a cardboard box. I see it as a drum to bang on, I see it as a car to drive, I see it as a boat that I can sail in. I see possibilities; I see it opening my windows of imagination that I never knew existed. I want you to not teach or show me what it is used for. I see you using it, so I know that it has uses beyond what I see. But right now at this moment, can I ask you to see what I see. I want you to see my wonder when I see the colours of the rainbow, the movement of the snail. I want you to see the worry in my eyes when I greet someone I do not know. If I am out with you at the playground, I want you to see what I am doing. I am climbing the play gym, I am swinging and sliding. I am smiling and giggling because it is so much fun. Do you see my smile? And even if I am not looking at you, when I do glance and say – ‘mommy look!’,  I want you to find that child in you and smile knowing how much fun it is to do what I am doing.

I want to see in your eyes the warmth, acceptance, calm, excitement – I want you to help me learn that the eyes can be a window to the world of the other!

I want your ears. I want you to truly listen when I speak to you. I admit I speak to you when you are most busy. I may jump from one topic to another without completing what I intended to say, but right now my mind is racing with things I want to tell you. I want you to be interested in all that I say. You can ask me to finish the first story when I am done telling you everything. I want you to be interested in all that I don’t say. Like, if I tell about something that upset me at school or at a friend’s place. I am not always looking for you to find me a solution. I perhaps want you to give me the words for the emotion I am feeling. I want you to acknowledge first that I feel that way. I want you to ask me if I need help. I want you to truly listen without getting distracted with the million other things you need to do, or move into solution mode.

Simply listening and acknowledging me shows me that you respect me and are ready to believe that I have the capability to find my own solutions.
I also want your silence. Sometimes all I want to do is sit with you and reflect. Not talk, not ask, just sit with you! Teach me how important it is to listen to nature and the universe to find answers that I seek within.  Teach me to listen to the chirping of the birds, the wind whooshing by, the thunderstorms, the waves, even the traffic.

When I am speaking to you I want you to look at me or what I am showing to you. Not the phone, the watch, the tab. I want you to ask the same of me. I want you to speak to me as you would like to be spoken to.I want your voice! I want that voice to acknowledge those things where I tapped my inner resources. I want you to tell me if I did something wrong, that it is ‘what I did’ that upset you, and not ME.  I want to hear ‘I love you!’ when I get up in the morning and when I go back to sleep and if possible times in between.

I want to hear you express yourself. How will I learn to communicate confidently what I feel, if I don’t see you do it? I want to see your humanness, that you make/made mistakes too. That you felt awesome about yourself at certain moments of your life, and at times a little sad/angry/ hurt. I don’t want to learn what you did to figure how to help yourself, but you can surely ask if I would like to know.

I want your touch. I want to be hugged, hi five’d , kissed, squeezed. But as I grow up I may not always be comfortable doing so. I may sometimes feel shy even if it’s you, so can you ask me if it’s ok? I want you to know that I still want it and may want it always – in different degrees, in different ways.  Sometimes a knowing warm smile is what touches me most!

I want your ‘Conscious Participation’!  It does not matter if it is for five hours or ten minutes, during breakfast or bed time or in the car or auto. I want you to try to find the child in you!

I AM UNIQUE, LIKE YOU AND DADDY!  I AM ASKING YOU TO GUIDE ME IN BECOMING ME!

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Archana Shyam is a therapeutic counsellor certified by Parivarthan, Bangalore with a specialization in counselling for individuals, children and adolescents. Archana has a Post Graduate diploma in Special Education working with Vidyasagar (formerly the Spastics Society of Southern India) for over 7 years. Archana has extensive experience in working with multiple disabilities (physical and neurological) for people with varied social and economic backgrounds. Archana also practices mindfulness and yoga which she believes enhances her skills to be a better counsellor. She is working on her Masters in Psychology and is looking to pursue certification in Dance Movement Therapy soon. When she isn’t called the counsellor, she holds titles like baking-fiend, mindfulness-obsessed, ocean-lover, passionate-dancer, and awesome-sauce-mommy! She can be reached at archana.shyam@thelisteningtree.in

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