Is it realistic to expect to be happy and upbeat all the time? Isn’t it normal to sometimes feel sad, frustrated, angry, guilty, anxious or uncertain?
People have a right to their moods. People need a chance to fully experience what they are feeling, to wallow in it and muck around in it. They may need to experience the full impact of their pain before looking to find their own way out.
The challenge is to stay with whatever mood we are in and to not dismiss our feelings or diminish it (“This is nothing”), or ignore it (“This reminds me of what happened with…”)
We don’t have to adjust our feelings just to make others feel comfortable. Perhaps when someone tells you how they feel, they aren’t always asking for help. What they may need is for you to trust that they will figure out what needs to be done when the time is right. That maybe the greatest gift you can give anyone.
On a walk I went with friends,
meandering forth in philosophical bends.
We chanced upon a fallen flower
and discovered afresh its hidden power.
There it lay, on the ground,
white and waxy, without a sound.
Its serene beauty, still untouched,
its potent fragrance, still unplugged.
To hold the flower in my hand,
to pick it up from off the sand!
Come my beauty, will you be mine?
The flower fallen slowly declined.
Hold me not, for I have no need
to be part of your search, though you plead.
If join in my beauty you must,
lie with me here in the dust.
I am fallen and I am here
and though you may find me queer,
I like the ground on which I lie,
for here I rest, so say goodbye.
When Reshma isn’t counselling or reading heavy stuff about counselling, she’s pottering around her plants, travelling and dreaming of opening a shelter for cats. She considers herself a world citizen who’s come home to roost with an eclectic collection of critters and creatures that include two children and a husband.
Reshma has a Master’s degree from the U.S. and has worked in New York City as a journalist and in Geneva with the World Health Organization. Using the principles of the humanistic school as a foundation, she is pursuing advanced training in Transactional Analysis. She uses both TA and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in her work.